Who are you when nobody is watching?
- Written by Andy W
- Category: Blog ideas
Who is the real you? Beyond the cloak and mask that you wear, who are you really? Are you the same person that you show to everyone else?
It is a rare thing to encounter a human being that is the same in all surroundings. There’s usually a persona for work, a character for home, an authoritative veneer as a parent, a facade at parties and many other social disguises we subliminally choose to present.
Who are you really? Who is the raw person with secret fears and inhibitions?
We waste so much energy trying to cover up who we are when beneath every attitude is the want to be loved, and beneath every anger is a wound to be healed and beneath every sadness is the fear that there will not be enough time.
When we hesitate in being direct, we unknowingly slip something on, some added layer of protection that keeps us from feeling the world, and often that thin covering is the beginning of a loneliness which, if not put down, diminishes our chances of joy. It’s like wearing gloves every time we touch something, and then, forgetting we chose to put them on, we complain that nothing feels quite real. Our challenge each day is not to get dressed to face the world but to un-glove ourselves so that the doorknob feels cold and the car handle feels wet and the kiss goodbye feels like the lips of another being, soft and unrepeatable.
Let me be honest... I struggle with the reconciliation of the “sides of my personality”. I am torn between being who society thinks I should be, and who I am when alone. I want to be unified in my soul, but pressure from the outside makes me want to conform. I ask myself, on many occasions, “Who are you?” The answer is different from one moment to the next as I try to find my moral compass.
This may look bad at first glance, but if you look within, you will see those dark corners and secret passageways yourself. No single one of us is beyond wearing a mask. Yes, some may be more accustomed to living in two, three, or even four states of being feeling no remorse, but even the most honest person has moments where they present another face to the public and it eats away at them. I wonder why we do this??...
Why do we live various lives, wear numerous masks and the eternal partaking of these personas? ...It is simple, we know the lives we live in secret aren’t made for everyone, but yet, we want to please everybody if possible.
I know, we say it’s not possible to please everyone and we don’t care, but we try, and yes, we do care. Our easiest avenue to please others is to conform to their environment and their ideals. Although we may try to retain our honest identity, we will, more than likely, fail.
There are a few ways to determine your true identity when no one is watching...
...but who are YOU?? (It’s not so hard to figure out, although you may not like the answer. In order to discover who you are, you have to take a deeper look at the surface).
Take a look at your dark side...Everyone has one, a dark side. I have a dark side and I certainly wont reveal it here. “I will not divulge my dark side”...and why is this so important? Because your dark side is your favourite identity, no matter how depraved and perverted it may be. What you hide and what you keep the closest to your soul is the most enjoyable.
Now our dark personas are varied, some are horrific, while others only contain curse words and nasty habits (these are only personal judgements though).
Love and infidelity
It is tricky to talk about this because society is stricken with more than a few false ideas about love. Number one: no one is perfect, so forget that. Number two: love is a journey, a process and when you start changing masks in this area, it gets destructive. Who are you when it comes to loving someone? Are you polyamorous and open about it, are you unfaithful and hide it or are you loyal till the end and love your mate for who they really are? There are only three options, and unfortunately, there are masks for each one. Choose wisely.
What are the words coming out of our mouths?
Think about what you say to your partner, your friends and your family. Do you later regret some of those words? Do they misrepresent who you really are? They probably do. Our words are designed to bridge the gap between us and what we wish to display.
If we say, “Have a nice day”, do we really care if someone has a nice day or do we wish to get in good favour with them by being “nice”. Later they may comment on what a nice person we are. Is this really true? Are we really this nice, or do we just kiss up for a favour?
When we are alone, how often are we concerned with someone’s “nice day”? Do you really care about people or do you wish for them to see you as a caring person?
Makeup, fancy clothing – what are we trying to portray?
This is not all our fault, mind you, but we have become walking talking fake people. Make-up and nice clothing are not bad on their own, but we have turned these things into crutches.
There are many people who cannot even leave their homes without plastering their faces with three layers of foundation, toner, and highlighter. I personally cannot keep up with that level of recreation. Clothing is a crutch as well.
Everyone has to have the newest heels, the cleanest jackets and those Nike Air Force 1's!! There are plenty of wealthy people who enjoy these amenities, but there are just as many poverty stricken people who spend money on clothings statements and yes, facades.
The truth is, we are using these things to become something that we’re not. All that contouring of the face hides the true size of your nose, the length of your forehead and changes both your physical face and who you are inside.
The true persona lies within the divide
I have found, through personal experience and my journey though life that the divide is where the true self resides. At that moment, when you realise that you are a split human being, that is where your soul is open wide. That is where the truth cannot hide. You realise that how you treat your friends is different than how you treat your employer and how you treat yourself when alone is different than how you treat your partner.
Who are you really? You are the realisation that you are not what you seem. You are the truth behind every lie you ever tell to appear “normal,” to fit in and to be safe. You are the secrets you hide and the mistakes that you make.
You are imperfect, you do wear masks. Maybe, just maybe, that’s okay for now. At least you know the truth.