When we lose someone close, the first days and weeks unconsciously morph our very existence... sort of like living, but with your eyes closed.

You are living and yet part of you does not want to!  …Blindly, you scramble for 'anything' that will remind you of what living life, ‘as you’, means.  The reality of 'as you', but without that person.

Loss, at first, is simultaneously wanting to escape and fight the world at the same time.

It does get easier, but you may not know that yet.  Time will heal.  And never expect to get over this.  Be real.  The truth is you will simply get used to it.